People Just Wanna Be Free
The young couple were just about to celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary. By all accounts, they were the epitome of the American dream story: great careers; house in the suburbs; three children in good schools; a Golden Lab; summer vacations to the Jersey Shore and an occasional jaunt to Orlando to take the kids to Disney.
This day, however, as they sat across from me in my office, the dream seemed to be crumbling all around them. The husband recently had a pretty powerful reversion story: touched by grace after the death of a close friend, he was now coming back to the Catholicism of his youth, practicing his faith, and striving to live the Church teachings in their fullest. His wife, although not as fervent, supported this new journey of his, with one exception:
The birth control issue.
Just saying those words in Catholic circles is enough to stir the pot of people’s strongest emotions: for most of us in the pews, the teaching is ignored. Couples have been told to follow their conscience on such matters. Others state emphatically that the Church – “a bunch of celibate men” – have no right to tell couples what they can and can’t do in the bedroom.
The very same issue was now dividing the husband and wife who came to the Church seeking guidance. “I don’t want any more children,” argued the wife. “I have to carry them. You don’t.” He reached for her hand (which, gratefully, she still accepted). He knew the costs involved should they choose to stop contracepting. It certainly would be more of a sacrifice (and strain) on his wife’s body, mind and spirit.
All the husband said in reply was this: “I don’t want us to live a lie in our marriage anymore. I want to be open to the fullness of whatever God wants for us.”
Let’s face it: embracing the Truth is hard. It’s the one thing Satan, the master of lies, can’t stand: the Truth of Jesus Christ lived within His Church and among His disciples.
And that very same Truth is the very thing our Lord speaks of in the Gospel when he states that he hasn’t come to establish peace on earth. We pause hearing that statement, don’t we? What does Jesus mean that He didn’t come for peace but division? It seems the exact opposite of what we’ve been taught.
And yet, the Lord is clear: He wants us to live Truth – the hard truths; the truths that make saints out of those who are willing to sacrifice, die to self, and admit that perhaps they don’t have all the answers after all. In a world where it is perfectly acceptable to claim that your truth is not my truth, Christ steps in and says: “Whoa, not so fast. I’ve come to set the world on fire.”
No other Gospel statement cuts me to the quick as this one does.
Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came for one reason: to offer His life in order to set us free from sin and death. He came as the Way, Truth and Life so that we could walk that same road: from the Cross to Resurrection; from death to life; from living lies to radiating love and truth.
Living Truth can divide families, ruin friendships, and become quite the heavy burden to bear. We all know situations in which persons of faith are often shunned for trying to live according to the ways of Christ and the Church. We also know that sometimes these very same people don’t convey such desire to live Truth with much mercy or compassion. The road goes both ways here.
Nevertheless, Jesus’ words cannot be ignored: How he wishes the world was already set ablaze with the Truth that sin will not have the last word; that Satan cannot shackle us to lies and hate; that the Blood He poured out on Calvary – the Baptism for which he was baptized -- is meant to transform us into other Christs. Really stop and think about that statement: Christ longs for us to live in such a way that He becomes united in us so that our love is His, and His is ours. Such love … such truth … sets the world on fire.
The world needs that fire now more than ever, does it not?
Sadly, though, it turns its back on such love and truth, as it always has. Even in the time of Jeremiah (from our first reading), the prophet comes to proclaim truth to a people who didn’t want to hear it. Instead, they threw him in a cistern to starve and drown rather than embrace what God was trying to tell them through his prophet. Ironically, it was only an immigrant outsider – not one of the people to whom Jeremiah came to preach – who spoke up for the beleaguered spokesperson of God. Truth is written on all of our hearts, even if most choose to ignore it or struggle to accept it.
I realize that there are a host of teachings which the Church puts forth that cause all of us to stumble at various points on our journey of faith, from who can be priests to issues related to chastity. Moral and societal issues – IVF, death penalty and immigration, to name but a few – also can create challenges when the Church speaks publicly in her capacity as Mother and Teacher.
About such things, the Church never says to us: accept blindly and shut-up. That’s not the Church’s way, believe it or not, for it isn’t the way of Christ. Jesus was always willing to walk with those who were struggling to understand truth and to be set free from lies: Nicodemus; the Samaritan woman at the well; Martha, the busy sister of Mary and Lazarus; Peter. God will never walk away from those who seek His ways, even if it takes most of this life’s journey.
But this one thing is clear: we must be willing to engage Him and His Bride, the Church, in our search for Truth. We can’t just say that the Church got it wrong and then go about our daily lives as if she (the Church) has no claim on our souls. If we are baptized, we are His. And He will stop at nothing to set our hearts on fire with His Truth and His Love.
Therefore, these thoughts about allowing the Fire to set us ablaze:
Firstly, bring to prayer whatever issue may be troubling you. Ask the Holy Spirit for clarity and to help you see the fullness of truth for which you long, and for which we all were made. One who asks for God’s Truth will always find it, always.
Secondly, turn to Scripture, the teaching of the Church Fathers and Mothers, and the Catechism of the Church to find the true and lasting reasons why we proclaim what we do as Church. Have we as Church stumbled along the way in so doing? Of course, many times. And yet, even if we have presented such truths without love or have on occasion forced it upon others to follow, that does not make God’s Truth any less the Truth.
Lastly, be willing to go to the Cross to find the Answer. I am more and more convinced that it is only when I humble myself before my Savior at Calvary that I can appreciate that I am not a god of my own making; that I do often get it wrong; that sin blinds me in more ways that I first thought; that I can’t be set truly free without sacrifice and selfless love for God and others.
How He longs to set my heart – all of our hearts – ablaze with that understanding.
I wish I could tell you that there is a happy ending to the story of the couple who came to see me about their wrestling with the issue of contraception. At the moment, they are still at an impasse. But, admittedly, there is still hope and light: they are praying about it together. The Sacrament of Confession is being utilized. The wife, by her own admission, has begun paging through a copy of “Humanae Vitae,” the encyclical written about why the Church can’t accept contraception (when the rest of the world does). And most beautifully – at least to me – the husband’s new-found faith is one in which he journeys with his wife as they search to live the Truth together. He is fasting for their marriage and family, and he is willing to work for the real peace for which Christ longs: the peace of living Truth in love.
“God’s got us,” he said. “He will lead us to all Truth. I’m not losing heart.”