Tell Him
23rd Sunday of the Ordinary Time – Tell Him
I overheard one of my seminary professors call another student a name that I would never repeat in polite company. He did it more than once, on two separate occasions. To be honest, it broke my heart. I had admired this priest, as did so many of us. He was revered, intelligent, and a role model for the community of aspiring clergy – we all wanted to be like Fr. X. Now, though, that pedestal upon which I placed him came crashing down.
And I told everybody what he had said. I justified it. Father Xwas rude and phony and not living-up to his call to be a priest of God, a Christian disciple and a decent human being. He was wrong, and the world – in my mind, at least – needed to know it. Within days, I had classmates turn against him, refusing to answer questions in class. Two seminarians asked to switch from using him as a spiritual director. Many stopped engaging with him at meals beyond sports-and-weather pleasantries. Father got what he deserved. He was bewildered as to why the tide had turned against him.
I caused it. And I was wrong — although I would not have said so at the time.
To be honest, I really dislike what Jesus offers us as a model to follow in this Gospel, because it is not how I want justice to be served. Why shouldn’t I tell the world that I or someone else has been harmed? Why can’t I spill my grievances all over social media? Why can’t I gossip about what happened? After all, Fr. X was wrong. He had sinned egregiously against another person. Don’t I have the right to make that known?
I do. To him, and him alone. Jesus makes it clear: Start with the one who has hurt us, or the one who has sinned in some way. Start there.
It really is easier sometimes, isn’t it, to go to everyone but the one who has needs to know we are upset. I would rather talk about them instead of actually talk to them. I would rather stay angry than seek healing. I win when I can live in my justified disappointment, don’t I?
Jesus would say: nope. No one wins when we don’t confront the sinner with truth and compassion. In fact, more than one person loses when gossip and hateful rhetoric replaces the opportunity to make things right.
That afternoon (especially after the second instance), I should have asked to speak with Fr. X. I should have told him that I heard what he said about a fellow student; I could have shared how it affected me, and given him an opportunity to explain and apologize. But instead, I took that chance away from him, and then brought sinful behavior upon myself that affected countless others in that seminary.
Why didn’t I? Who knows – maybe I was afraid of the power he wielded. Perhaps I thought he wouldn’t believe me or, worse, turn against me. Most likely, I just lacked courage. I didn’t step-up when it was called for. I let fear and emotion create a culture of revenge and hate. I did nothing to right a wrong in a holy way.
The Lord, of course, knows we often let the lesser parts of ourselves steer the ship of our decision-making, which is why he really gave a beautiful plan of how to move forward when we must address sin and other behaviors that create injustice. The Lord knows that these moments are hard, and so he provided a roadmap, as he always does.
Go and respectfully talk to the one who needs to hear correction. Do so from a place of truth guided by a desire to help the sinner find wholeness again. If he or she doesn’t react or change the offensive behavior, bring a couple of witnesses – again, neverwith the intent to gang-up, but instead to support what needs to be said. Even the heart and motive of these witnesses should come from a place of compassion, wanting to heal and make things right, not to attack the wrongdoer. Jesus was always about making things complete and whole again, not about proving his own righteousness.
And should this fail, call upon the Church. It’s interesting here that Jesus actually uses the word “church” before he went to Calvary, before the Church as we know it was born from the blood and water poured from His pierced side. He knew that His Bride would be our guide along the journey back to Him,and so she should be consulted in times of challenge, struggle and sinful stumbles. Her wisdom, led by the Spirit, should light the way forward when there is a threat to unity and holiness.
We can’t waver or cower on this one, as much as we might like to. A wayward sheep could put the entire flock in danger, and so the Church needs to get involved once all other previous efforts have failed. Again, not from the perspective of gossip and backbiting or to stir up a hornet’s nest of hatred toward an individual, but to get the Church to do a number of important things for the good of the entire Christian community: pray for the conversion of the individual, first and foremost; then, keep others from falling into the same ravine of similar sin.
This is where it gets painful, and I don’t use the word lightly, because we all know that the Church – especially in recent years (but also throughout her history) – has called out Catholic celebrities and politicians alike who are not publicly living the faith they profess to hold. Some of these public figures could quite frankly lead others astray, claiming that the Church professes one thing when, in fact, that is not the case. Does the Church have the duty to call them out? To that I simply say: have the first two steps have been followed? And have those first two steps come from a place of authentic love for the offender’s eternal soul?
That formula must never be forgotten or “skipped over.” Never. We can’t as a Church just go to the Jesus “Step Three,” which no doubt, has often been the case.
And should it get to the point on this journey that the Church has been consulted – and the sinner still has no desire to amend his ways – then the final step is “treat them like a tax collector or Gentile.” This seems like harsh, non-Jesus-like advice. The Jewish people of our Lord’s time ignored and nearly shunned those who did not live like them or believe as they did. Could Jesus really mean this for us now?
Yes, with a qualification. God is not fooling around with sin, and we can’t be wishy-washy here. If it is at the point where someone’s sin is causing others to sin … if the sin of one is paving the road to hell for all … then close the door. Do not let the sin infect the entire body. We all know that it can, and often does.
But here’s the other hope, which I am sure is always at the heart of God. If I am cut off from the body because of my waywardness and embracing of evil – and if I am prayed for during that time of separation – the hope is that I would miss the community (and Eucharist) so much that my heart would be converted in order that I might return home. The goal is always unity, never separation and discord.
That’s the definition of Church, after all: a family united, who despite stumbles and falls on the journey, strive to live in such a way that sinfulness is not the driving force of their relationship with God and one another.
A family united … I failed to act from that understanding when my seminary professor acted uncharitably toward a fellow-classmate. Instead of following the Lord’s advice here, I took matters into my own hands and acted with a selfish justice according to my definition. I didn’t bring healing; in fact, I only made things worse for the offender and for the Body of Christ. If only I had lived the message of Paul to the Romans: “Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another … for love does no evil to one’s neighbor.”
May we never miss the opportunity to heal and speak the Truth with compassion in moments of sin and struggle. May we take Jesus at His Word, knowing that his saving grace will give us everything we need to make right the wrongs that Satan wants to use to bring us down. After all, evil will never win when we invite Christ into the moments we’d rather gossip and complain or take justice into our own hands.